Update from Nicole

Hi everyone,

I've been on the run since my return from Hippocrates Health Institute. I was feeling so good with chemo finished and the major detox at Hippocrates that have not wanted to even think about the rest of the treatment. Fairfax has been my hang out. Awesome little Hippie town I hope some day to possibly live in ( or maybe Petaluma! ) . The shaded summer day's with a nice warm breeze have been a life saver from the damp cold fog of summer in San Francisco. There is super good raw food restaurant, Lydia's raw food Kitchen, where Kaitlin and I spend hours. Than off to the creek park. Fairfax has a great play ground that's shaded for the hot summer day's. We stay all day, sometimes until dark. I LOVE warm summer nights.

I have been enjoying my time so much with Kaitlin and Kevin, especially after being sick from chemo, that I just keep going and going.

Today was my first visit back to Doctor's after postponing for last 3 weeks. My surgery is scheduled for Monday June 27th. I really needed time to clear away more fear and resentment, so I'm glad I took these last weeks to just kick back in Hippie ville having fun with snugs.

It really prepared me for today's visit. I felt less fearful talking with Doctors, and less victimized by my resentment. As of now, I will be going through with the operation which will be a lumpectomy followed by radiation.

I just clicked on FB and saw this amazing Cigar Box Guitar Jason Farthing made. A big Holy Cow You rock to Jason! Thank You.

Once again, I am so impressed by all of You. Everyone has been so helpful and kind in the own unique way. I would never be able to do this with out your help!

Let's have a blast at the show! The Bands that are playing are AWESOME.

Love,
Nicole

Less Than Two Weeks to Showtime!

Let's all go get some tickets, and get ready to rock.

The Auction is Finally Up

We have some amazing prizes up already, and more to come! Go HERE TO SEE AND BID

We will be moving the auction from online to the Phoenix the night of the show, so if you really want one or more of the items you can either:
A. Bid super high so that no one can out bid you
B. Come to the show
C. Get someone to be your proxy

Good luck and happy bidding

oh yes the info to join the auction
Auction ID: MusicHeals
Password: nicole

Tickets for the show are now on sale through TicketFly and will be at The Phoenix Box Office and The Last Record Store as of this Memorial Day Weekend. Go get 'em, our goal is to sell the place out and show Nicole how much love and support she has as she goes into phase two of treatment!

Nicole writes from Hippocrates

Hi everybody! I've been meaning to write about my experience on the flight to west palm beach. The flight was originally scheduled to land in w. Palm beach, but due to a storm they had us circling in the air outside the airport for an hour. Gas was running low, so we had to fly to Miami to fuel up. People were beginning to freak out, fears were running wild, plans were taking another turn. The poor guy in the row next to me had been praying the entire flight.

Once landed in Miami, no one was allowed to exit. So we were all stuck together in the same boat. Cell phones whipped out, people were anxious and standing up. It was actually kind of cool. After some complaining finished, there was nothing left to do but talk to those around you. In the 45 mins we were stuck on ground I had the best time listening to others talk about themselves, where they were from, what they did for work, or just whatever. It was such an uplift talking with others. A unity came from a annoying disturbance. It was the best part of the flight!
I kind of feel this way about my cancer. It's a huge disturbing annoyance from my day to day routine, but as a result I feel more unity and compassion with everybody.

Thank you for showing me so much love in so many awesome ways! I am Very grateful.

Nicole

Bye, Bye Chemotherapy

Today was the last day of Chemotherapy. That does not mean Nicole will be suddenly feeling spectacular, but the last of the poison has been infused and now it's only a few short weeks until she heads to Hippocrates Health Center in West Palm Beach, FL. Then a few weeks after that our big show in Petaluma.

I want to tell each and everyone of you that has helped us, watched Kaitlin, brought food, called, emailed, facebooked, text messaged, thought good thoughts, prayed, sent donations, and generally just loved us: THANK YOU! To say I have not shed my share of tears, yelled, kicked, screamed, been stuck in self pity, and had a few laughs at this situation would be a lie. What I have come to realize is that for every emotion I have had, I have also had someone to share it with. I am one fortunate man. Just to put it on the record: I would walk to the ends of the earth to help each and every one of you if that time comes.

I absolutely need to thank Nicole's Mom Paula LeVeck. She has made the trek down from Stockton to watch Kaitlin during almost every one of Nicole's infusions. This is a long drive to take care of one active two year old. We were not always outwardly grateful to Paula, in fact, many weeks we were frustrated, irritated, arguing with each other, and just generally unhappy. Paula has been an absolute rock, and while I know that being here for her daughter was also meaningful to her, she deserves our deepest gratitude. She also deserves a very personal thank you from me, for listening to me complain and never once judging me for my over reactions or anger.

And my parents, who have a lot going on for retired people. Thank you for being there, especially this last weekend, when I really needed some time to myself.

This has been an extremely trying 5 months for everyone at our house, but most of all Nicole. She has been the living definition of grace under pressure. Kaitlin knows mommy is not feeling well, but has not once had a lack of love and attention. Fact: Nicole got 2hrs of chemo today, and is reading books and giggling with Kaitlin right now.

On to phase 2.

Donations for Silent Auction & Raffle

I am looking through all of the offers and the donations so far for the Silent Auction and Raffle for the event on June 25th @ the Phoenix in Petaluma. I am blown away. Here is a list so far and the person responsible for securing or donating. If you want to add to it, let me know and we will be happy to relieve you of the burden of carrying around extra stuff and services!
1. $100 "Corporate Chair Massage"-Tara Coleman Massage-Michal Wulftange

2. $100 Dining Certificate-Scala's Bistro-thx to Bruce Fisher

3. "2 pm Stay!" at The Brisbane/SFO Radisson Hotel -Michal Wulftange

4. $50 Dining Certificate-Rose Pistola Restaurant-Michal Wulftange

5. "Brunch for 2 at The Cliff House"-thx Josh Seare

6. 2005 Picaro Cabernet (1 btl) & $25 Dining Certificate for Pica Pica Maize Kitchen-Adriana & I

7. (5) "Bullet" Shoeshine Gift Certificate-thx Shine and Co/Rachel Leamy

8. "Wash, Haircut & Blowdry" Gift Certificate- via Nena at Dylan's Hair Salon/Burlingame-Michal Wulftange

9. $30 Gift Certificate-Peninsula Beauty Supply Store Co.-Michal Wulftange

10. 3 $100 Gift Certificates from various artists at Everlasting Tattoo-Jeery Ilkenhons

11. House Cleaning Service by Tinuviel Kruse

12. Box of Signed Metallica Merchandise-Toby Stapleton

13. 2 Brand New Skateboard Decks from Deluxe-Shannan Assad

14. Window Washing Gift Certificate From Eric Strand

15. Photos by Hagle Heather

16. One painting by Caui Lafgren

17. 1 night stay at the Sir Francis Drake Hotel on Union Square-Bruce Fisher

18. Ticket Package for 49ers or Giants (TBA)-Carol Bost

I am sure I am forgetting something...

Soon I will figure out a way to auction some of these off online, until then, we will keep you all posted.

I also got to visit my favorite printers at Second Wind Printing in Santa Rosa Today. Matthew Izen was working on the design for the event. Jayson, Spike and Sarah were rocking it in the shop. With out these guys, Michal, and Lila this whole event would be next to impossible. Thanks does not begin to cover my deep gratitude for all of you! Each of your unconditional help and support has been a source of strength and inspiration!

Our friend Amelia will be there taking photo's! Here is a sample photo she took of Kaitlin.

2nd to last A/C

Hi,
I just completed my second to last chemo infusion. I just looked up the definition of the word infusion. There is the typical meaning of a slow injection into the vein or tissue, but also it means the introduction of a new element or quality in something. That is my experience with being diagnosed with cancer. A new element and quality. I have been forced to get free. It's the old saying either sink or float. When I find myself sinking into the mire of self pity I have had to take some serious action. For the last 12 years of my 16 years sober i have been practicing the 12 steps on a daily basis. They are amazing. Not only have I remained sober from a fatal disease of alcoholism, but I have had the opportunity to face and be rid of wreckage as it comes up, including cancer.

When I arrived at the Infusion center today, I wanted to leave so bad. Everything in me wanted to run. I felt sick, resentful, and extremely fearful. I just felt like I couldn't take another round of this shit.
Anyhow, I was in tears and once again I had to whip out pen and paper and get those fears down on paper. As I was surrendering my resentments and fears I was able to remain in the infusion center and get the chemo.
I am so glad because I do have a desire to live and be free of anything that limits me in this life.
Cancer has been a rude and awesome awakening of what I want to be free of.
Thank God for Kevin and Amelia being there with me assisting me to make it through another round. And Thank you to everyone for staying tuned on FB, coming over to help, watching Kaitlin, bringing love and life to me in the face of seemingly death.
I am so grateful to you all.
P.S. I hope i don't bore you with this blog.
xoxo,
Nicole